Accomplishments are Cumulative

Megan and Jenna,

I wanted to write a little bit to you about your Mom. Who she is, where she comes from, and the things she has accomplished in her life. Not to mention how incredible she looked tonight, but that’s a letter for a different day.

I’m hoping that by the time you two read these letters that you’re old enough to internalize them, smart enough to understand their purpose, and mature enough to know what to do with them. The reason I bring this up is because as you read this letter it would be easy to be intimidated by all that your mother has accomplished. It might make you feel as though you have a lot to live up to. And truthfully, you do. However, each of you is a different person than Mom. You are a part of her, surely, but you are your own person. You have your own ideals, values, and thoughts. You don’t have to do the same things in life that she did. But, it is important to accomplish things in your own lives. Not simply the things that society expects of you, but more than that. Things that mean something to you.

In high school, your Mom’s class voted her “Most Likely to Succeed.” Can you imagine? Being voted by 250 people as the one person, in the whole group, who would most likely be successful in life? That really impacts me to think of it. She was also the number two-ranked student in academics. And, after high school, she didn’t just go to college, she went to Emory, probably the most prestigious university in the South. After that she went to Georgia State for a Masters in Finance. Georgia State’s business school is ranked in the top ten. No wonder your mother is so well respected professionally.

She was on practically every committee or honors program that there was in high school. She really focused on her education. And it was that focus that paid off when it was time to apply for college. During college, she focused on her education. And that focus paid off when it was time to apply for a job. And it also paid off when it was time to go to grad school. You see how the accomplishments in your life are cumulative? One leads to the next. It just takes planning.

I said earlier that you should not just do what society expects of you. But, keep in mind that some of the things that society expects of you are important. Look at college for example. Some teens believe that college is just something that society expects them to do, and as such, they rebel from it. Well, although society does expect you to go to college, you have to realize that there is so much more to it than that. Don’t go to college because it is expected of you. Go to college for you. Go there for yourselves. Forget the expectations and just realize that the things you will learn, both in book knowledge and in life experiences, will benefit you for the rest of your lives.

You won’t know exactly what you are going to want in life, but if you spend some time thinking about it, you will be able to figure out a lot of it. Set your goals, decide where you want to go, and worry about how to get there later. And remember, although your mom and I will be guiding and focusing you throughout your young lives, the goals you set should be your own. Accomplish your own goals, and that accomplishment will make you the most successful person in the world.

Poppy's Eulogy

"Poppy" Dec. 24, 1932- August 23, 2003 My dad was lovingly known as "Poppy" to his 6 granddaughters. We are crushed by his loss and yet we celebrate the triumph of his life and what he meant to us, and to so many people. There is no explanation, there is no 'why?' There is only God. And although we want dad back with us so badly, we know that he no longer has to suffer, no longer has to endure, and he will never again be tired. No matter what he had to go through, he never complained. He always had something funny to say to everyone. "Mr. Goodman, I have a shot for you, where would you like it administered?", said one of his hospital nurses. "About 3 rooms down the hall", was my dad's reply. If I am half the father to my children that my dad was to us, I would be the world's best dad. He was always there for us. He supported us in everything we ever did and words cannot convey what it was like to call him Dad. We will always love you. Goodbye Dad. Nate

1 There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven 2 A time to give birth and a time to die; A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted 3 A time to kill and a time to heal; A time to tear down and a time to build up 4 A time to weep and a time to laugh; A time to mourn and a time to dance. 5 A time to throw stones and a time to gather stones; A time to embrace... Ecclesiastes 3 Read the Atlanta Journal Constitution article dated Aug. 26, 2003 (.pdf)

The U.S. Role in the World

A father defines his opinions in a letter to his daughters about the United States' involvement in military action around the world

Megan and Jenna, This one may be a little harsh, but we have to talk about our country’s role in the world. You will meet a lot of different people in your lives. There are many people out there who believe that the U.S. should not send troops to war in different parts of the world because “we can’t be the police force for the entire world.” Well, I hate to break this to them, but yes we can. Not only ‘yes we can’, but on top of that, it is our moral responsibility. It is our moral responsibility as people of wealth. It is our moral responsibility as people that hold highly the values of human decency. We are charged by God to go places in the world where masses of people are being murdered, imprisoned, etc. and fight to rid that country of it’s psychotic ruler, and to reestablish a form of society where that type of conduct is no longer present. Particularly in cases where ethnic cleansing is taking place.

Look at it this way, what if you were watching genocide happen live on tv? You’re tuned to CNN and it unfolds right in front of you. How can you hide behind the rhetoric of “we can’t be the world’s police force” at the same time you are watching as CNN shows the unearthing of mass graves of people slaughtered because of their religious beliefs or their political views?

For those people that you meet that don’t think we should send troops to free enslaved people, then here’s a question you can ask them: Do you also believe that the holocaust didn’t happen? Well, I guess you missed that part of history when they were teaching history in history class. Maybe the U.S. didn’t land on the moon in 1969 either. Maybe Jimmy Hoffa just lost his way on the subway, and has just been wandering around since 1975. And maybe tornados don’t have an accurate road map to find the fastest route to the trailer park. OK, that last one isn’t true. But what if the holocaust were happening today, right now, and you were watching it live on CNN? Do you actually intend to hide behind your rhetoric as you watch thousands being led into the front gates of Treblinka, Dachau, or Auschwitz, and then realize that these camps have no back gates?

CNN (live): “We interrupt our regularly scheduled newscast and take you now to Chuck Roberts, live at the Pentagon, Chuck….” “Senior Pentagon officials have just released declassified satellite images that show, over the past few weeks, a horrifying look inside Auschwitz, a Nazi controlled prison camp in Poland. Dozens of images being released show mass graves believed to contain hundreds of thousands of murdered men, women and children. Pentagon officials suspect that mass genocide is being conducted at the camp. Officials state that as of last week, over 400,000 people have been led into the front gates of Auschwitz, and only half of those are believed to be still alive. A word of caution, the images you are about to see may be very disturbing….”

As you watch on CNN the enhanced satellite photos of the lifeless bodies of young children being pushed into a mass grave with a bulldozer, are you still hiding behind your rhetoric? Do you still think the U.S. shouldn’t be the police force for the world? Oh, really, then who should it be? Should there be no one, no country, who will take the initiative, the responsibility, to go over there and free those innocent people? Remember, girls, the answers you give to questions like these will stay with you until the very day you meet God himself.

Or, perhaps you think the United Nations should do it. Well, for once, I agree with you. But, you and I both know that the U.N. isn’t going to do anything. Girls, my point is this, while the U.S. doesn’t have to act on its own and go all over the globe at the whim of its leaders, there still has to be a swift military response to stop atrocities. And that military response has to come from somewhere. From somewhere where there is money, from somewhere where there is a ready military, and from somewhere where the people still believe in personal freedom of life, liberty, and the pursuit-of-not-being-slaughtered-like-oh-so-many-spring-lambs-at-the-Passover-feast.

Psychotic leaders exist. They will always exist. Wherever a modern day Hitler exists, he must be taken out of power. It’s as simple as that. It is our moral responsibility. And if you still disagree with me, I suggest you pack a bag, dawn some body armor, and go where we know atrocities are occurring. Go see for yourself. Whether it be Bosnia, Iraq, or the Sudan, take your pick. You’ll never again say that we shouldn’t be the police force for the world, because, you’ll realize that in the end, when you hide behind the rhetoric of “we can’t be the police for the world”, you are really just complaining about paying too much taxes to the federal government, just so some 3 year old child in a dictator-controlled country can retain her God-given right to live without being murdered.

See also http://lettersto2girls.blogspot.com/2004/10/why-we-are-at-war.html

Jenna and “Copper”

A fathers amusement at his two-year old daughter Inside of a box of Cheerios was a little childrens book called “McCawber”. It’s about a little squirrel who goes to the art museum and sneaks his way into an artists backpack to ride home with her. Then he gets out late at night and uses her paint supplies to paint his own works. Anyway the dialog goes like this. Jenna: “Papa, lets read that book ‘bout Copper.” Dad: “OK sweet pea, but the little squirrel’s name is ‘McCawber’” Jenna: “Yeah, lets read Copper. Papa, why dat Copper uses his tail as a paint brush?” Dad: “Well, McCawber didn’t know how to hold a real paint brush so he uses his tail for a paint brush.” Jenna: “Yeah, Copper, Copper, Copper.” Dad: (beginning to read the book) . Sigh. “There once was a squirrel named Copper…."

An Olympic Mess

A father speaks to his daughters about right and wrong. Why should Paul Hamm give his medal back?

Megan and Jenna, Well, girls, the Olympics are on and from time to time you two see a few of the highlights. It is fun to watch you look at the tv and try to understand what is going on. “Why dos (those) people running in the run run race?” “Why dat girl spinning around on dat pole-bar thing?” “Why dat Papa swim really, really, really fast?” Well, that’s ok, in a few years most of this will make more sense to you. This Olympiad has had quite a bit of trouble though. One incident has bothered me and telling you about it might help you to think of things in a different way. In a bigger way. And in a way that shows you a purpose to what you are doing.

One of the US gymnasts is named Paul Hamm. He competed at the top of the sport and was awarded 3 gold medals. Controversy arose when it was realized that the silver medalist, Yang Tae-Young from South Korea, had actually scored higher than Hamm. A mistake was made in the judging in which the ‘degree of difficulty’ of his routine was incorrectly calculated. It was human error. It was simple mathematics. Someone entered the wrong degree of difficulty for Tae-Young’s routine, and thus the final score of his routine was calculated incorrectly. Had the correct degree of difficulty been entered, Tae-Young’s score would have come out higher than Hamms, and he would have been awarded the gold. Instead, the error was not noticed until after the medal ceremonies had taken place.

So, here you have a person who is awarded a gold medal incorrectly. Neither he nor his US team wants to give the medal back. They stand by the technicalities of the rules and note how “a formal complaint wasn’t issued in the proper amount of time.” They replay Tae-Young’s routine in slow motion and show how he shouldn’t have been given such a high score in the first place. Sadly, this is far from what should be happening.

So here’s what I would say to Paul Hamm, and to the world:

Instead of finding and sighting all the technicalities of why you are right and someone else is wrong, you should instead be simply acting to do what is right. Forget the technicalities, forget the inane little regulations. What is the right thing to do? Did you win that gold medal? Or did you win it because a mistake was made and you get to keep it due to a technicality? Do you actually think that the technicality proves that you are a better gymnast? No, the technicality only proves to show that you can quote the rulebook in order to keep a symbol of victory. It is just a symbol, you know. That gold medal is not why you are at the Olympics. That gold medal is just the culmination of the scoring of your competition. And, in this case, your score wasn’t high enough to win the gold. But more importantly, the reason we have the Olympics is not so we can see who is the best. Or to see who wins which medals. The Olympics are not here for that. They were not created for that. They are here to bring the world together.To bring us all together. In all our differences, in all our disagreements, in all the different ways we look, act, and speak. In all our different cultures. It isn’t about the competition. It’s about brotherhood. Oneness. It’s about us. All of us. And in that brief few weeks that the Olympics are held, the world pauses, the world reflects, and the world questions why we can’t seem to respect each other in the way God intended us to. For one short period in time the world unites to come together. A world at war unites together in the spirit of competition, not in competition itself. What if you were to compare this situation to a criminal court case. What if a criminal is set free because the arresting officer misread a line of the Miranda rights? The criminal was caught in the act by the officer, caught on video, caught by witnesses, and admits guilt. But, the Miranda rights were misread. So the defense attorney gets him off on appeal. Are you telling me that since the Miranda rights were misread that the criminal actually didn’t commit the crime? Again, it should have nothing to do with the technicalities, just with what is right and what is wrong.

Now girls, stop for a moment and think of the impact of what would have happened if, upon learning of the scoring error, Mr. Hamm had unselfishly and quickly given the medal to Tae-Young. Just think of it. In a public setting, with all the cameras of the world running. An American hands over his symbol of victory to the true victor. Sure, he could have stood up and cried and whined about how it was his right to keep the medal due to the following technicalities. But instead, knowing what is right and what is wrong, he graciously and without hesitation hands over the medal. This act would have created a statement to the world about character, honesty, and integrity and would have impacted millions of people. That is what the Olympics are about. That is oneness. That is brotherhood. And that is what breaks down barriers between us.

In a statement, the president of the International Olympic Committee, Jacques Rogge declined to get involved saying, "We are not going to give medals (back) for so-called humanitarian or emotional reasons." Well, that’s a pity. After all, what other noble reasons are there? Girls, when it comes to making decisions, think of the greater purpose to what you are doing. The big picture. Try and remove yourself from the situation and just act based on what is right, and what is wrong.

Dialog with Jenna

Sometimes you just have to write down what your 2 year old says. I was singing Amazing Grace to my daughter, Jenna, when this dialog broke out: Dad: “…Amaaaaaazing Graaaaaace, how sweet the sound…..” Jenna: “Why dat Grace is missing?” Dad: “No, sweet pea, it isn’t missing Grace, it’s ‘Amazing Grace’” Jenna: “Why was Grace not listenin’ to her momma and she went missing?” Dad: “She didn’t go missing, sweet pea. She was listening to her momma, but the song is not about your little friend at school named Gracie…” Jenna: “Um, Papa, um, um, um, why, why, um, um, um, why dat Gracie is missing?….”

The Worst Period in my Life. A letter to Jenna.

What a father experiences when one of his little girls may be seriously ill

Although a person might be able to look back and think of several bad times in their life, I can easily state that this one was the worst. Jenna, you were not even 2 years old when you started having some kind of ‘tremors’. You would just shake a little bit, then you would cry about it. It wasn’t like convulsions, it was just where your entire body would shake for a few seconds and then the shaking would stop.

One of my problems during this time was that I had been a little too close to our friends, the (name withheld), when little Kate, at 18 months of age, had undergone brain surgery to remove a tumor. I was at the hospital with them during the surgery (which was the day you were born, by the way), I was with them in the ER about 2 weeks later when Kate’s surgical area had become extremely swollen, and I had been the one in constant communication with them during this ordeal, which lasted several weeks, whereby I would send out email updates to quite a large group of people who were praying for them. During the visit to the ER, I spent fifty minutes with them while the staff tried to get an IV line into Kate. She was so dehydrated that the process took about an hour and ten minutes. Can you imaging having a needle being poked around in your arm for that amount of time while they searched for a vein? It was excruciating for Kate and it actually scarred me emotionally. All I could think about was ‘what if this was my Megan or Jenna’? I’m just not built for that kind of situation.

Before we knew that everything was ok, I couldn’t stop thinking about all the what-if’s. Your mom was as tough as nails but I was a basket case. I tried so hard not to let you or Megan see how much it was upsetting me. But, I don’t think I fooled either one of you because we noticed a lot of behavioral changes in the two of you during that time. We would all sit down for dinner and I would have to jump up and race out of the room as the emotions poured out of me. I just didn’t want you to see me so upset.

Anyway, with your shaking all the time, we had taken you to the doctor who sent us to Emory for a brain wave test. We needed to see if your brain activity was normal. You were so little. We had to take you in and your mom laid down on the bed with you as the nurse attached dozens of electrodes all over your little head. You were so scared. It didn’t hurt you but obviously it was very traumatic. During the test, you had to fall asleep. In fact, the only way the test would be valid is if you fell asleep. You were so great. You fell asleep very fast (naturally) while they monitored your brain activity. Your mom stayed in there on the bed with you to keep you calm but they asked me to leave the room. I waited outside. I was shaking but I could feel the prayers of all our friends (who knew exactly what time the tests were to occur) and it kept me calm. I can tell you that I have always believed that all the people praying for us at that exact time blessed us in such a way as to let you fall asleep, and to help me hold together. The tests showed normal brain activity. We never truely knew what caused all those tremors. But, thank God you were all right. Thank God for all those prayers.

This and other stories can be read at http://www.amazingstories.org/categories/story-list/read-stories/index.php?story=54